it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Boobs are out for the taking
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's rum buckets o'clock
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
