I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
