Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
