we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
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I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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