I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
