So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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