she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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