there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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