Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
