i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What drink are we having for lunch?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
