So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he thought i was a dude.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
