Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
