Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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