we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My vagina just recognized that song.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
