She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
