My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
