How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
