I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
