That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
