i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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