wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
