Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
