Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
