If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
