dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
