what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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