We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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