I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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