where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
