I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
