I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
