ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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