How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
