Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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