oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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