I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
