and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
