I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
True college students do jello shots in the library
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