Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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