I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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