I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
