So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize