Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
