Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
