I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
