I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
