I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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