Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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