Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
