For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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