Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize