I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
