I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
