two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
