You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
