Screwed.edu
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
