I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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