i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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