I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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