Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
