I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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