my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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