Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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