A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
