the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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