The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital