Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS