i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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