I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Someone shattered a urinal.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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