and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
