ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
