Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
