i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
