You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
