There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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