last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
