I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
