God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
