I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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