Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
