i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do vagina's smell?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
