i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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