i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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