Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
