Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
