Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
