just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
