Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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