i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
