I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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